i n • p u r s u i t

I'm sitting here as my children are supposed to be napping, but instead are playing. But they're behind a closed door and they're happy, so I'm letting it be. I'm also sitting here as I should be doing housework. I have a pile of unfolded laundry right in front of me and there are crumbs on the hardwood floor that were painful to trod upon in the dark as I attended to a crying Ruthie last night. I've been thinking lately about the lies I have come to believe lately. The negative things that I tell myself about who I am.  I'm just an unmotivated individual. I used to like to write, but I can't string words together like I used to. I wish I was neat, but I'm a messy person. That's just a few. But there's more. I'm not important. I don't know. I can't figure that out on my own. I don't have a lot to say. I don't have an opinion. Anyway. Right now I'm thinking about the one where I tell to myself...

Throughout my childhood, I was left behind or forgotten. When I was five years old, we lived in Guam. One night, we were at church having a birthday party for our priest, Father Roberto. I went to use the bathroom and when I came back out, my parents were no longer in the big room. So, I remember going to the parking lot to look for them. I have a very clear memory of crying as I watched the tail lights of our conversion van fading into the darkness. What had happened, apparently, was that everyone piled into the van (and apparently a couple of neighbor friends were with us) and before my dad drove off he said, "Is everyone here?" And everyone that was there said, "Yes!" Thankfully, a family friend saw me immediately brought me home. Several years and two moves later, we were living in Iceland. I was in 7th grade at A. T. Mahan high school at NAS Keflavik, Iceland. Our school had a school-wide field trip day and there were four trips you could choose from. M...

I've stumbled across the idea of morning affirmations lately. Affirmations are positive thoughts that you speak to yourself. I think the goal is that if you say affirmations enough you will eventually believe  them into being reality. So, here are some morning affirmations for your average, kind of a hot mess mom. I enjoy being a morning person. I am a patient mom who does not yell. I am happy and content with the state of my house. My children will eat what I put in front of them. I will be the kind of mom who folds laundry and puts it away. In the same day. My awesomeness as a mother has nothing to do with the abilities or instagram feed of other mothers. I believe in my ability to not swear when I step on LEGO bricks. I will choose being present over being on my phone. I am a tidy and efficient housekeeper. When I want to flip out, I will choose kindness. I acknowledge my imperfections and I will give myself grace. I believe that I'm a good mom.

"I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words." Psalm 71:15 NLT I used to love to write and blog. I've lost that and I miss it. I'm realizing it isn't a talent, so to speak, that I was born with, but more a skill that I honed over the years. I started blogging probably in 2001-ish in an Open Diary and moved on to LiveJournal before starting this blog in the summer of 2004. I had a few other Blogger blogs: a secret one and a poetry/photography one. I wish I could still find those and read them. Probably not share them though. ;) Anyway. The whole point is that I just wrote my thoughts for a long time. Wrote them to an audience. And even though I didn't know it, I was honing my skills. In recent years, I've been honing my skills differently: how to write the best 140 word caption. I've become a better photographer, thats for sure! And while I don't se...

Morning pages is where you just write three pages in the morning. Or at least thats my understanding. Three pages of brain dumping, list making, stream of conscious, I don't know. It's 6:38AM. I went to bed at 11pm and turned off my alarm and put my phone on "do not disturb" (because I knew my sister was going to try to call me at 6am). But I did all that because I wanted to sleep in! And then Mike's alarm went off at 5:30am, shortly after I had woken up at the end of a dream. So, I decided, eh, might as well wake up. And then I wasted like AN HOUR on Facebook. Ugh. Well, I did have to make a graphic and post about the MOPS moms night out tonight. After that, I wasted time on Facebook reading awful sad things (like the Turpin family) and wishing I hadn't. Oh, and my sister called. So, I talked to her for a bit too. Let's fight the good fight Train our eyes to find the light And make this year the best one yet! -JJ Heller I'm currently o...

Quiet . That's the theme for this first month. The author's goal is to "intentionally add quiet to [her] days" by focusing on "actual quiet and virtual quiet." I could use some quiet too. I'm addicted to (virtual) noise but, as I'm learning, I'm a highly sensitive person who is overwhelmed and drained by (all) noise. My main goals for this month are to have less time on my phone playing games and checking social media. I can't give up social media all together because I have to use it some for my MOPS publicity role. But I don't have to check Facebook more than once a day or Instagram really at all.  be intentional about having quiet in my day . I'm trying to quiet my thoughts. Quiet my voice. And lessen the barrage of constant stimulation.  make my home more peaceful . I think a tidier, less cluttered home is a more peaceful one. And less TV for my children. I plop my kids in front of the television too much. Then, I thi...

I first read "Loving My Actual Life" several months ago. I picked up the book from the public library on a whim because I found the cover and title very appealing. I ended up devouring the book! I've been thinking about the premise of the book again and I just picked it up from the library again for a bit of a refresher. I'm inspired to have my own experiment in loving my actual life. Sometimes I feel like life is happening TO me instead of me being intentional about living my life. I think that its easier to love your life when you are intentional with purpose instead of flailing. I'm always flailing. The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day. ~C. S. Lewis  I'm reminded of this quote by C. S. Lewis. I have this lif...

I wore this outfit to church this morning: white long sleeve top and plum jeggings topped with my navy vest and gray fringe scarf. I kind of love how my pants match my hair, haha! What I liked about this outfit: I love the top because it has lace detail. I love the jeggings because they're a pretty color and SO comfortable. I love the vest because it keeps me warm without being bulky. I love the scarf because it adds warmth and interest. I love the boots because they're a nice color and low heel. What I didn't like about this outfit: the vest is too big. Later, we went up to the Asheville Outlets and since I knew we'd be spending most of our time outside, I decided go with a warmer outfit. I changed out my vest and gray scarf for my cardi-coat and patterned scarf. Its really clicking with me how different textures help make an outfit interesting. For example, I wouldn't pair the knit scarf with the knit cardigan. I think it would look weird. Wha...

Sometimes, I look at childless couples (namely Mary & Evan who seem to have SO MUCH FUN together) and I'm think, your life is like one big date! (Because there are no toddlers to chase and no nap times to make it home for.) My life used to be like that too...but I didn't value the opportunities for quality time. I think I'm might look back on this time with little ones, in a similar light. Look at all the opportunities for quality family time that we missed out on! And now they're grown! We'll all be going different directions. We ran errands together as a family this morning. (I didn't consciously go with this mindset but all these thoughts occurred to me afterwards.) Maybe I just woke up on the right side of the bed, but I just had the BEST time with my family this morning. You can turn something as mundane as running errands into opportunities for quality family time. We stopped by Starbucks and it didn't feel like a desperate-...

Remember they heyday of blogging when EVERYONE had one? Or more than one? Where people just spilled all there thoughts out onto the Internet? I really miss that! I know I've mostly been posting outfits lately, and that's because its easy content for me to create. But maybe I'll start actually sharing more thoughts soon. Anyway. I'm looking for some blogs to read. I'm looking for mamas sharing real-life outfit posts and stream of consciousness blogs and just blogs written by people that are average and imperfect. I don't want Starbucks blog. I want the small down coffee shop blog. I once wanted to be a popular blogger. But I think I've now realized my blog is NEVER going to be a money maker. And that is perfect. Its my personal log of what is going on. If you have a blog like that, let me know so I can follow you. :)