I just read a great article from Boundless Webzine that compares "modern dating" with "biblical courtship." Dating isn't harmless. You get these scars all over you that you have to really work to clean up. Then what do we do? We do it all over again. Because it's fun? Because it's what everyone else does? I don't know. Probably because we don't really see a reason not to do it. Well, this following quote is a pretty convincing as to why not to.
According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably physical divorce.
Yeah, that's a cruddy way to date. But what are you going to do, arranged marrages have been out the window for centuries :) Actually, I think CS Lewis wrote a book on this subject, but I don't remember it's name.
ReplyDeleteActually you should not marry anybody until you see them at their worst. The best way is to live together before you are married. Dating and spending time together is not a substitute for living together because, when you date, you are constantly putting your best foot forward and on your best behavior. Only by living together will you see through people’s walls and get to the real personality.
ReplyDeleteThe reason a majority of people who live together break up is because it was not meant to be. It is also cheaper than a divorce. I did this four times before the right woman came along. The three break ups before my wife saved me thousands of dollars in lawyer’s fees and saved my heart years of unneeded stress, because I was able easily able to get rid of the lemons.
You would not buy a car before test driving it so why spend the rest of your life with somebody you think you know.
"You would not buy a car before test driving it so why spend the rest of your life with somebody you think you know."
ReplyDeleteWe've got a couple of articles that address this consumeristic perspective as well:
http://boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001306.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001309.cfm
http://www.boundless.org/2001/departments/beyond_buddies/a0000498.html
Sorry for the previous typos.
ReplyDeleteI wish these links would not have been cut off because I would like to have seen the exact article. I did check out the website, so I think your opinions are obvious.
I’m guessing since it was written in the Bible over 2,000 years ago that living together was against the law then you still favor that law. Also 2,000 years ago if you unintentionally broke a Commandment you would have to take a bull to Church and kill it with your own hands (this is someplace in Leviticus). This was somehow supposed to please God. Do you still favor this too?
I left Tiffany a practical, unbiased comment aimed at helping her enhance the pseudo-marriage the article spoke about. My life experiences have taught me a pseudo-marriage cannot properly exist unless you live together. Then and only then will you truly know the other person.
You can copy and past the URLs to see the exact article is you'd like to read them. That's what I did. Also...iVillage has posted two articles based on information from The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, and is part of the Relationships Debate "Should you live together before marriage?" iVillage isn't a biblical webiste at all.
ReplyDelete3 Reasons Why Researchers Say Living Together Before Marriage is Risky
4 Tips for Couples Who Want to Live Together Before Marriage